Wibble

Archive for August, 2009

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target Hypermart.

Dear Mrs.Hudson

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J. Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away?. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Police were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.

One of the clerks passed out.

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?”

He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”

Wish I could think so quickly!!

Well this book really took some reading, and there was many a time when I wanted to give up but I kept coming back to it, it has a certain something that keeps pulling you back.

I am not going to even attempt to go into detail about the content or story line but all I will say is really its at least two books in one, a story about a father and son attempting to connect and a book about the philosophy of “quality” in all our lives.

Ok if you have read the book you will know that’s way to simple but I hate to be the one that spoils the book, and it is a great book, its not a classic for nothing, and although it’s hard work at time I think its worth the effort to read and it really did make me think.

So if you want to have your mind expanded, mine felt quite stretched at times, I think it even broke once, this is a great book to read.

It also really made me want to ride a bike across the USA, but hey I wanted to do that anyway.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.  He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, ” Licence and registration, please”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Glasgow cop says, “Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming”

Glasgow cop says “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop.  Licence and registration, please”

London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”

Glasgow cop says, “The difference is, ye huvte to come to complete stop, that’s the law, Licence and registration, please!”

London Lawyer says,   ‘If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my licence and registration, and you give me the ticket.  If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.’

Glasgow cop says “Sounds fair.  Exit your vehicle, sir”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of the lawyer and says “Dae ye  want me to stop, or just slow doon”

We saw this the other night and I have to say I am very impressed.  We saw this for two reasons, one because Michelle is a hardcore Johnny Depp Fan, if she squints real hard without her glasses on I look just like Johnny Depp, and as we were sent an invite as a fund raiser for a great charity the Mercy Hospice here in Auckland

But back to the movie, A great story, not sure how true to history it is and obviously John Dillinger (1902 – 1934) was a thief and is noted as one of the most infamous bank robbers of all time, he wasn’t a nice guy and by the end of the movie Depp has us all wanting him to get away, which of course he doesn’t. It also portrays J Edgar Hoover (January 1, 1895 – May 2, 1972), as a total Bastard and no better than the gangsters he was chasing.

The movie portrays a time when the Gangsters were out of control and the police force was for sale, of course we have no way of knowing how true this was but it creates a great scene for our Hero – who is the Villain.

The performance by Christian Bale as the lead FBI agent Melvin Purvis is good but he in no ways steals any of the lime light from Depp.

One thing that impressed me about this movie was the soundtrack, not the music but the great sounds the guns make, it just sounds so real [not that I have ever heard a real Tommy gun] but it is very gritty and believable.

The special effects for the wounds and injury’s was also very realistic without being overly gory as was the amount of bullets it took to kill people, and man they sure sprayed around a lot of bullets.

All in all a great movie and I give it a two thumbs up and “must see” rating, and go see it at the theatre to get the full impact and do justice to that great sound track.